I would say the narcissist knows you have the ability/ potential to pursue and find true happiness and fulfilment, and this is something the narcissst can never have.
So the thought that one day you will most likely be doing better than them and without them, causes them a lot of emotional anguish and pain.
This is the main reason they are so jealous of you. They know they cannot have what you can easily have.
And this is the exact reason why the narc plays such mind f***ery on you — to keep you so distraught and devastated, that you might not be able to find personal happiness and fulfilment.
And they will do everything in their power to do this to you. They want to keep your mind and judgement so foggy and impaired, that you can’t follow your own path.
Don’t let them.
Yes it does! Found that on clearance after graduation with my masters. Tired of everyone in higher ed telling us we NEED to join this organization or that organization. Nope.
Joe,
I see your posts on here a lot. Thanks for sharing your insight on this topic. I believe I saw my narc today because I have seen this particular person at least 8 times or more within the last year. This narc has been working really hard to turn my family and friends against me for the last several years. I have said things to my family regarding this narc, but my family doesn’t believe me because they have been believing this person (the narc).
Thanks K.
They feel threatened by the idea you can do well without them. That’s why if they think this might happen, they do certain things including trying to put your family against you to achieve this.
You need to find a way for this not to affect you… or at least not show it. Even though this is your family, you need to be able to reach a point in yourself where you accept they are their own independent people with their own minds and opinions. In time they should see the truth and unfortunately only time can do this you cannot force it.
Someone once left a comment saying “The narc’s smear campaign is like a ‘cleanser to show your real friends’’”. Basically shows who your friends really are. Take it as it resonates, and accept what you cannot change.
What I have come to terms with is that I cannot change the narc as many survivors have stated on here because they basically have had nothing but the mental capacity of a walking corpse. I am an independent thinker with my own opinions as well…so, if no one can change a narc, they are not capable of feeling emotions, love, etc, then how does a narc have independent thinking, minds and opinions? Something to ponder.
I agree narcs don’t have independent minds and opinions.
What we hope is that the rest of us that do have independent minds and opinions (including your family) will eventually see past the narcs ‘smearing’ tactics.
I have seen narcs smearing campaigns backfire on them on multiple occasions, it is hard not to feel satisfaction when this happens.
It’s my firm belief, if you stand your ground and do your best not to let this affect you (even if the smearing distances you from certain ppl) it will do full circle and backfire on the narc.
I like to think of the smearing as a test of our resilience — if we hang in there, we pass. The narc does not.
Don’t see anyone , from my childhood friends , indeed they choose without knowing the Truth to believe the pack of Lies N smeared. and it’s always the case , you can count friends on 1 Hand 🖐
The Good pears will realise one day how brave we were ! The others will disappear how much you love them , they are independent people and must judge for themselves! as you wrote !
Good luck to all and be strong ! how hard it might be !
Family and friends will never believe you because they do not see the side of him that you have dealt with. It is what it is as they say. You will have to tell yourself that others will never understand. Unless they have dealt with a narc first hand themselves they will never understand. We will have to let that go.
Thank you Anne for your understanding and compassion…have you had an experience(s) with these types of individuals before? Sounds like you have! I didn’t know these people existed until I saw several of their mask(s) come off and wondered what in the hell! I searched desperately until I came across others stories and books that have been written about it. Apparently, its becoming a phenomenon, a pandemic, a real threat to society. I believe there are still others in my life that are toxic. It is slavery, narc sex human trafficking abuse, they think they own you, and they control your every move.
I CAN SO RELATE TO WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT THAT WHAT HE DID TO ME I FELT HE TORN ME APART
not at all
That’s so true ! ! the family were l come from ( l don’t like to say : My « family) » are all Malignant Narc , millionaire Gang mafia style , Narc Millionaire, mother has always been so utterly jealous of me , try to wreck my marriage, steal my children ( putting them against us and buying stuff we could not afford) , withdraw inheritance and smear campaigns against me , l was walking on eggshells during all my childhood , the knots in the stomach and then guilt shame and the rest arrived
They have done absolutely, everything in their power to destroy me , you guessed l was chosen the Scapegoat In these families
They are numerous in the world and not accountable responsable for their abuse and cruelty , somehow , society doesn’t care about them , most politicians are highly Narcissists, but on a personal level as sang Bob Marley « only oneself can free our minds «and controlling your soul and mind is what will make you realise that if no one can BREAK yours , you will be the winner of your life !
NPD’s are fearful that you can and will go so far, too far for them to catch or keep up, So what do they do? Stop you dead in your tracks.
I want to point out that people who become obsessed with separating themselves from narcissists ARE narcissists – simply from the standpoint that they believe themselves to be more valuable than the NP because they believe they are not like them, which is the exact same hubris that creates the seed of pride. Humility is the only way to not become the monster you fight.
Jaetta, by your standards is humility in staying with the Narc?
I say yes…. From my experience my ex narcissist was on the run daily. Exhausted from all the lies he had become. Scared of being unmasked. Terrified of be exposed.
They all get unmasked eventually
I’m coming to terms with the fact that I cannot change his narrative nor control it. I only have control obey my own. I am lucky enough to have some people in my life who help me hold firm to clarity, let me vent safely, and help me to attain strength in distance and non responsiveness.
You have to be very careful about what you share and with whom, as unfortunately when we are in a very emotive state and reaching out trying to explain our side, it can easily play into the narcs hands because we look and sound like a crazy person on a smear campaign of our own. Because of the level of projection and the narcs ability to be so very convincing (and weren’t we convinced of their sob stories in the beginning) then the likelihood is that others not close enough to be yet victimised by them personally will be drawn in to the story.
Mine had me believing his narrative about me for a while through continued gaslighting and projection. I’m still working through the damage. So why should I judge others for being sucked in? They are so very strong in their convictions that it’s hard not to be.
It is difficult when you know you are being so unfairly vilified you not want to defend yourself to anyone and everyone but again this is keeping you in the sphere of coercive control.
I tell myself to simply maintain dignified silence to the majority, refuse to engage in defending my stance, knowing the flying monkeys are reporting back, giving him more opportunity to counter and therefore more fuel for self validation of his completely false persona and lack of accountability.
Don’t feed the trolls. This is one of the hardest things to do when working through the aftermath.
This is super true. My narc is bent upon sabotaging my life. He is so satisfied to see me rot and cannot see me even eat a healthy meal. I finally left him after 8 months of safety planning with my support worker. I still couldn’t leave directly from my home and had to do it from my brother’s home in a different country. But now he has teamed up with all my relatives and apologising that he is a changed man and that he will go any length to have me and my son back. Everyone feels so sorry for him and I’m the demon for not giving the poor soul a second chance.